IS there such a phonomenon as "Love at First Sight"! In some cases YES...but most are really "Great Attraction at First Sight" - let's see the difference:
Love at First Sight:
1) A woman in France in early 1800's crossed a bridge over the Sein; and as she crossed she saw for the first time a man approaching her who was also crossing in the opposite direction. He did not seem to notice her at all; but she noticed him! After he passed her, she turned around and looked at him for a while as he fadded into the distance. She had the deepest sense and said it aloud with utter conviction as if God had told her so: "That is the man I will marry." It turned out that he was a young jeweler, Lewis Martin, in the town Lisieux who owned his own business and was very single. He had wanted to become a priest but could not do well at all in Latin. She could easily see him in his shop on any pretext. Soon they were married. They had 11 children, only 5 survived. All five of the girls entered the convent not too far from Lisieux. The youngest to enter had to go to see the Pope to get in at the young age of 15. Turns out that this little devout girl -so determined and willful - as was her mom in pursuing her dad was to become a famous Carmelite nun who died at the young age of 23 and was declared a Saint 25 years later and was the "mother of the little way" to holiness. Pope John Paul II declared her a Doctor of the Church: St. Therese of Lisieux, the Little Flower! Seems her mom did have love at first sight that was reflected in the experience of her little daughter who fell in love with Jesus at first sight as well!
2) When a young carpenter saw for the first time a very young maiden, he was smitten as well. There love was totally mutual. There would just be no one for her but her Joseph and he would have no eyes ever again for any one but his Mary. Ther baby -- conceived by the Holy Spirit -- was Jesus, the Son of God. There love was totally selfless. Both remain as virgins in their married state. True love is selfless: to love and to give...not looking to get in return...but to give all one's heart and being...for the beloved. Jesus was just like His parents. Their love was true love: Love at First Sight and every sight after that. Total sacrifice for the good of the other was the gold behind their love for each other. Their marriage was real....true love....faithful..exclusive...most loving and permanent....and Jesus was not only a reflection of the Father's Love but also of His own earthly parents' Love! Jesus, too, fell in love with us at First Sight as well!
3) My mom was in the same house with my dad at a party in Malta 1923. They never met; but my mom saw him. She looked long and intently at him. My dad was a good looking/handsome as any movie star: better looking than Clark Gable and equal in my mind to Cary Grant. Why he did not end up in the movies I will never know. But when my mom came to America, the plan of God for them to meet seemed to unfold. My mom had come over with her large family of 10 other simblings. My dad was only the youngest of three boys. But as cupid's arrows were being sharpened, my mom spotted my dad in St. Paul's Maltese Church in Detroit. Her eyes widened...could it really be him!!!..here all alone...with no other Maltese beauties to distract him or turn his head! Soon and very soon..my mom was riding in the rumble seat of his Model A Ford with Grandma Zammit as chaperon sitting in the front seat. I also saw an old picture of my dad's car with my mom's hat on the back seat. Well, the rest is history: 8 kids later; 36 grandchildren later; 25 great-grandchildren later -- both my mom and and dad are in heaven - but not before bringing so much love and beauty to this world. Did my Mom have Love at First Sight! I believe it was "Pure Love at First Sight". How do I know about this "Pure" aspect? Well, here is how I know: my mom and I were having a conversation about human love. She then confessed to me that having come from a most devout and religious family, she was not given any instructions about human love whatsoever. Then she totally shocked me by telling me by saying: "When I got married, I knew nothing about love..not a single thing...not even on my wedding night did I know anything!" I..was stunned...and just became silent for a moment and said: Mom..I do not wish to be impolite or improper; but may I asked how did you handle your wedding night then?" With a twinkle in her eyes and innocence in her heart, she -- without hesitation -- said: "When the fruit is ripe, it falls.."
4) In 1973, while at a prayer meeting, I saw the face of an angel: Margie Theriaut. She was 19...as pure as any flower that was ever born on this planet - more beautiful than any woman I had ever seen. Yes, absolutely, it was love at first sight!!! and at every sight after that. She was the inspiration for two paintings and for two of my children stories: "Beautiful Blue Bird" and "Margarite and the Invisible Prince" (soon to be published). Even though, my proposal for marriage was turned down, she did find for sure "her prince" and is married and has children. God bless her. God love her. God keep her safe in His Arms wherever she goes. I will for sure meet her in heaven and go for a walk with her...holding her hand...and she will be very silent as she normally is...but she will glance into my eyes from time to time..and to see my love in them for her..and..I will see "no shadow of separation from her again." {last line in Dicken's Great Expectations}
This lack of separation does even apply here on earth: in my dream of Margie last night of November 6-7, I was sitting next to Margie and enjoying her company lovingly. She was about 23 years old and I about 28. We looked at each other with such love and I said to her with my face so close to hers: "I love you, Margie!" She looked at me with such love and very much joy;..and her eyes said.."You really love me" and she smiled with an assurance that I belong to her. This dream was so real. How much love there must be for it to last over 40 years without even seeing her. Her presence in my heart and shown by this dream affects my day and she is here with me in such a reak spiritual sense. So, it is true: I see "no shadow of serparation from her again." All things are possible for those who love. And just think: God is in so much in love with us even more than we are in love with each other. It is a grace to be in love: Our "Being-in-Love" with each other is His perfect way of teaching us how He feels about us - how much He is IN love with each of us! He dreams of us each moment of heaven time: he never sleeps but is consumed by His love for us!
Great Attraction at First Sight:
1) Is there anyone who has not seen: "Sleepless in Seattle"? Well, seems that Sam and Annie do see each other from a distance: he sees her at the air port and she sees him playing with his son on the beach. There is a Great Attraction and curiosity in these sightings. But the second sight for both of them is Love! Do you remember how Sam describes his first wife that the first time he took her hand into his, he knew: "this is the one!" There is no mention of First Sight. Only this first taking of her hand that caused her soul and his to fuse into one. That recounting of this memory was key to the last scene in the movie. Sam -- on top of the Empire State Building -- slowly and deliberately extends his hand to Annie. She slowing and unknowingly gives her hand into his. But he takes her hand with great deliberation..and looks down at their hands together with a look of "this is it: the whole of my dreams come true!" Again, there is "Love at first hand clasp"! Then the story ends was the elevator closes; and the last thing you see is the son who is smiling and thinking: "Success! And I did it all!" In truth, he did do it all! He knew better than both them -- who were at the time dating some else and planning marriage with someone else -- that these two: Annie and his dad were meant for each other! Kids know better than we grown-ups what's up!
2) What about dating and falling love on-line? Does it ever happen? With all the psychological cautions that on-line dating is a really self-induced pseudo love, does true love ever come from on-line dating. Still it has spawned many marriages. There are Christian dating services like Christian Singles.com and Catholic Singles.com. We can say with certainty that all these marriages were not Love at First Sight but closer to "Great Attraction at First Sight" because seeing a picture of someone is NOT really a first sight at all...because looking at a photo is only is seeing a symbol of the person. First Sight is First Sight in person not First Photo! But there can be a "Great Attraction at First sight" of a photo when loving words go with it.
True and Real Love: What is it?
1) Selfless giving: to give to the beloved NOT just to get something back: that is true and real love. For example: Mother Teresa of Calcutta did not pick up sick and odor laden people from the gutter to bring them home with her so these people would invite her to dinner one day. When someone told her that they would not do this work for a million dollars, she said: "Neither would I!" She was doing everthing for her Husband, Jesus! She was giving them and to Jesus in them her loving comfort, a clean bed..and lots and lots of love before they died. What does one get from that? For her, loving was its own reward. She did it because Jesus -- whom she was totally IN LOVE WITH had said: "Whatever you have done to the least of my brethern, you did to Me." So, we do not think of Mother Teresa as a great romantic lover; but the fact she was the most Romantic of Lovers! She was IN love with her Prince, Jesus, and showed all her love for Him and to Him in caring for the "poorest of th poor". Being a nun, she was wearing ther habit every day: this habit is her Wedding Dress; and she was wearing the ring that Beloved has given her as she took her final vows! Did she fall in love with Jesus at First Sight? Absolutely! Was this a true Face to Face encounter? Yes! How? Mother Teresa request to have the Blessed Sacrament in the tent with her when she was ministering to the "poorest of the poor." She obtained taht permission. For Mother Teresa, Jesus in the Eucharist - with whom she spent two hours a day - was the very Source and Summet of her entire life. Her realtionship with Jesus was spiritual but also PHYSICAL since she each day received the very Body and Blood of Jesus as her food for her soul and her body as well....She lived on Jesus who said that unless we ate his Body and drank His Blood, we would not have life in us. As he lived by the Father, so we live by Him. The Holy Eucharist is REAL and TRUE LOVE in her life and ours. See John 6: 51-71. The Eucharist -- just talk to St. John of the Cross - is the source our our marriage with Christ. St. John of the Cross took most of his imagery from the Song of Songs by Solomon: a book on marriage. The Holy Eucharist is the most precious Treasure of Church - its Source and Summet -- and the most- the Holiest Sacrament on the Planet. We love and worship Jesus in the Holy Eucharist!! and when we come into the presence of Jesus -- especially to Jesus exposed in the Holy Eucharist, we are falling in love with Jesus at each First Sight! He sees us; we see Him through the eyes of Faith! The result is: Living in Love with Him!
Mother Teresa defines True and Real love not as mere sentiment or feeling but as a deep conviction of one's whole heart to "WILL the good of another as other for that person's own sake...not for at all for one's own sake." True love seeks the good of the other..the happiness of the other..from the deep recesses of one's own heart.
Once I saw for the first time face to face Blessed John Paul II at the Silver Dome. A great love shot out of my heart for him...a love the Holy Spirit gave me for him! It was incredible to feel such love for this Vicar of Christ...the visible manifitation of Jesus on the earth! That was "Love at First Sight!" ...and in heaven: we will all love each other at first sight!
Another great example of True and Real love is The Servant of God, Father/Chaplain Capadano, Mary Knoll Missionary, who to minister to a Coreman Leo, ran from one soldier to the other, blessing and absolving them. When he arrived at Leo's side who had been wounded, Fr. Capadano could see a North Vietnamese machine gunner setting up his machine gun. Fr. Capadano to shield Leo, threw his body over Leo's and Father took 27 bullets into his own body, blowing away part of his arm. Both men were killed instantly, as the company of 2000 NorthVietnamese soldiers over ran the American Forces who had been battling these NorthVietnamese for three months, day and night, seven days a week for three months. Fr. Capadano -- died like Christ -- giving his life for another. That is TRUE and REAL love. But no matter what vocation we are called to: a man must lay his life down for the beloved..be she his wife, his children, his parish, his family. We lay our life down by our devotion and selfless devotion and love. Like Jesus, Fr. Capadano, gave his body and blood in the ultimate sacrifice: love unto death...laying down one's life for another. "There is no greater love there is than this: to lay down one's life for one's friend."
2) So this above kind of love should also be the basis of our married love, as well. But for our culture of "me first", a man may say: "I love you." But what does he really mean? If, when a man says to a woman, I love you beause you make me feel good, feel sexy, feel loved, feel happy, he does not love this woman at all: he is only loving himself. And when this woman no longer makes him feel those things, he moves on! He loves her like he loves pizza! -- He loves her for what he can get from her. He does not love pizza because he wants to add peporronni to the pizza to make the pizza more beautiful and happy. O no! He loves the pizza for what the pizza can do for him! So, marriage is not: "I will love you..until further notice."
3) Real and True love reflects God permanent and faithful love for us! God cannot be unfaithful to us. It is God's Nature to be Self-giving, Self-sacrificing, Self emolating, Self-devoting, Self-LESS! in loving His kids: us! So, a true and real husband is one who shows love for his wife if she is sick, or if she is emotionally down, or if she is exhausted by the kids and does not have the engergy to make love. He loves her for what he can do for her and not what he can get from her.
4) True and Real love is 1) Permanent, 2) Exclusive, 3) Faithful qualities are not there as vows are taken, there is no true love there as well as no true Sacrament there! There are couples out there who are into three-somes and four-somes. These are not true marriages but a mockery of marriage. Marriage is a reflection of God's love of us. God is utterly faithful to us. But these psuedo three-some-swining marriages are mere collaboration to get as much pleasure for one self as possible. These are not marriages; they are addictions being acted out.
5) True and Real love is devotion to one's kids even when they are not appreciative. It's taking care of one parents EVEN when these parents do not even recognize you any more.
6) True and Real love is listening ...just listening...and letting someone else be the focus of the conversation.
7) True and Real love is shopping for a friend who is sick and delivering this food onto their dinning table..and not looking for any reward. Jill, my friend did that just this Sunday for me. That is True Love.
8) True and Real love is "Not taking offense" when some tries to hurt us...and does so intentionally or does so inadvertantly: "..Love takes no offense!"
For further examples of True and Real Love, please see The Catholic Catechism on Matrimony: sections: 1644 through 1648..."Love seeks to be definitive...a witness to God's definitive permanent love for us.."
Peace and love, Pio
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